Zitate und Sprüche von @WillyFerrell

Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

When someone says they have to ask you a question, you think of all the bad things you've done recently.

I got 99 cookies cause a bitch ate one.

Next time you feel a sneeze comnig on, yell out 'PIKA!' right before the sneeze.

Rearrange these words: 1) PNEIS 2) HTIELR 3) NGGERI 4) BUTTSXE... Did you read: Spine, lither, ginger and subtext? Naughy Naughty.

My Bed and I are deeply in love. It's obvious my Alarm Clock is jealous.

If I had Morgan Freeman's voice I would sit in a corner and talk to myself for days.

I guess wearing head phones and not speaking doesn't really signal 'Fuck Off' well enough to some people.

I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask me. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?

I never let my children watch big band performances on TV. Too much sax and violins.

I changed all my passwords to 'incorrect', So my computer just tells me when I forget.

Dear life, When I said 'can my day get any worse' it was a theorical question not a challenge.

I hate it when I forget to turn my swag off at night and I wake up covered in bitches...

Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed ball till she died.

I want to have 3 kids and name them Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they fuck up I wil just hit them all at once.

x² y 8 [(x 2y ² = a-z] 2x ³ (- 2z = 2. 4) 10y - 5Z ³= k= 9. x...Yeah, I still cant remember one time this helped me in life.

Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.

I want to be rich enough to realize that I can’t buy happiness.

The biggest lie I tell myself is, 'I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it.'

Every girl deserves to be treated like a princess, except hoes.

Can't spell STUPID without U right in the middle.

I got banned from Barnes and Noble today for moving all the 'Caution - Wet Floor' signs to the '50 Shades of Grey' shelf.

Bitches or not, 99 problems is still a shitload of problems.

I blame everyone for my problems. Except Shaggy, because we all know it wasn't him.

Drunk people are the only honest ones left.

When I say 'I wont tell anyone' My bestfriend doesnt count.

That wtf moment when your toothpaste does a suicide dive off your toothbrush.

A dick has a sad life: His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, & his owner beats him.

Sunglasses: Allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.

Does anyone else wake up in the middle of the night thirsty as hell, and water tastes like it came from God's personal pond?

I wanna thank my mom for not aborting me and my dad for buying cheap condoms. Love you guys.

We live in a world where losing your iPhone is more dramatic than losing your virginity.

Girls, there's a fine line between wearing make-up or just looking like you got gang banged by Crayola.