Zitate und Sprüche von Trevor Noah

Zitate und Sprüche von Trevor Noah

Trevor Noah (* 20. Februar 1984 in Johannesburg) ist ein südafrikanischer Kabarettist, Moderator und Schauspieler. Von September 2015 bis Dezember 2022 war er Gastgeber der Daily Show des US-amerikanischen Fernsehsenders Comedy Central als Nachfolger von Jon Stewart.

Spotify, die App mit Liedern der gesamten Musikgeschichte, die wir ausschließlich dafür nutzen, die selben vier Lieder immer wieder zu hören.
The Daily Show - The Truth Behind Music Streaming
You don't need to show up like a SWAT Team to rescue a Barbie from a little girl. If anything, you should be rescuing the little girl from the Barbie. Should be getting there like, "little girl, watch out! That Barbie can give you a warped sense of what a woman's body is supposed to be!"
The Daily Show - Juni 2020
All the teams in the NBA will not be playing basketball on Election Day. And the Knicks were like, "Oh, no problem we don't play basketball every day, that's just what we do."
The Daily Show - August 2022
The NBA has announced that they will not be playing any games on election day and instead will encourage their fans to go and vote. I will say though, not to sound cynical but, if the Timberwolves game is what was keeping you from voting maybe... yeah.
The Daily Show - August 2022
Crypto is crashing even harder, with Bitcoin plummeting 67% from its high, which I found really interesting. Because for, like, the past ten years, every single crypto bro I've met has told me that crypto would protect me when the mainstream economy failed.
The Daily Show - Juni 2022
Usually, when Boris Johnson takes a position, the opposite position is the right one. That's why his hair is always like, "Wherever he goes, I'm going the other way."
The Daily Show - Juni 2022
I'm just curious about how you even know when Rudy Giuliani is drunk. No, because when a normal person is drunk, they say crazy things, they yell, they sweat a lot. So how does that work with Rudy? Does it work in reverse? Like, does he start talking normally, his hair die sucks back into his hair?
The Daily Show - Juni 2022
No one has ever been delighted to be in Boston in December. December? What are you excited about? "Oh, I love chapped lips and getting thrown up on by Patriots fans, how peachy."
The Daily Show - Dezember 2022
Today is Spotify-Wrapped-Day. The day that Spotify looks at our music and reminds us that we're all a basic b*tch. Thank God, Tinder doesn't do a year-end wrap-up just to remind you of all the terrible decisions you made on desperate nights.
The Daily Show - Dezember 2022
California has officially announced that jaywalking is now no longer a crime. So congratulations to the Californians who like walking places. This is great news for the six of you.
The Daily Show - Oktober 2022
The next World Cup will be in the US. Which means all the players will be allowed to use guns. Don't worry, they can't use their hands to shoot them... should be interesting.
The Daily Show - Dezember 2022
The house still passed a gun-control bill. The only problem is that everyone already knows that it has zero chance of passing in the senate. Which has got to be rough for the house. You work so hard on something that you know is going to lose. They're like the New York Knicks of legislation.
The Daily Show - Juni 2022
North Korea, voted Korea of the year by North Korea Magazine for the past three decades.
The Daily Show - Juni 2022
Es tut mir leid, dass wir in einer Welt leben, in der Menschen Waffen mehr wertschätzen als Menschenleben.
The Daily Show - Oktober 2017

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Regardless of our differences, this was still New York. A melting pot crammed onto an island, then pushed into a subway car with a rat eating pizza. You're not left or right. You're a New f*cking Yorker and we're in this together.
Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show - Debates Anti-Vax Mandate Protesters in NYC
Klepper: "What does that mean, 'Their DNA is wiped out'?"
Anti-Vax protester: "Like, their immunity is getting wiped out."
Klepper: "Okay, 'cause COVID wiped out 600.000 DNAs."
Anti-Vax protester: "Yes, of course!"
Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show - Debates Anti-Vax Mandate Protesters in NYC
You're gonna move the ocean into the desert? That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard, unless they do it while Burning Man is happening. In which case, go for it. Please take a bath, you dirty hippies!
I know Liberals and Conservatives don't agree on much. But can we agree that you should not own a gun, if you don't know how to poop in a potty?
Trump Supporter: "It's an American ideal that we treat women with respect."
Klepper: "You gotta give me the back of that shirt one more time, that's too much fun."
Trump Supporter: "Trump that b*tch!"
Klepper: "Ha ha, we don't even see the irony of it... I love it."
Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show - Trump Supporter Ideology Test
Trump Supporter: "The regular couple... they work so hard, you know, and the gay couple they want more."
Klepper: "When you say 'more', do you mean 'equal'?"
Trump Supporter: "Yeah, they want equal."
Klepper: "And that's just too much?"
Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show - Trump Supporter Ideology Test
Trump Supporter: "The presidency is a man's job. A female has more hormones. She could start a war in 10 seconds."
Klepper: "Haven't all wars been started by men?"
Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show - Trump Supporter Ideology Test
If you dare as an organization to certify the cancellation of the McRib, I will not accept those results. I'm gonna get a group of people together and we're going to travel and we're going to march down to McDonald's headquarters. We're going to McDonald's the first week of January to start the year off with a bang.
It's the 4th of July, that time of year when Americans who don't watch MSNBC, celebrate the nation's birthday.
Don't stereotype Asian people. Also, there's a good chance they're doctors, so they can help you out if you are worried.
I love getting in a Halloween spirit. I buy candy, and when trick-or-treaters come to my door, I eat it in their faces, to show that nothing in life is free!
Do you know how bad that coffee has to be to to be considered a health risk in New York? This is the same city where pizza gets delivered by a rat!
If you wanna spend money to have a shitty night, just go on a Tinder date: "Oh, wow. That's so interesting. I've never met anyone who likes to travel before."
Das Metaverse wird von Microsoft und Facebook gebaut, also weiß man von Anfang an, dass es sau langweilig werden wird.
Close contact with disgusting creatures that may touch you? That's not a haunted house. That's a sleepover at Jeffrey Epstein's place.
Seit wann geht das Überprüfen von Fakten und der Journalismus eigentlich getrennte Wege?
Wir nennen sie Mutter Erde, weil sie uns geboren hat und wir sie dann ausgesaugt haben.
Wenn Amerika so gesegnet ist, wieso hat Gott dann das ganze Öl unter Ländern versteckt, die uns hassen?
If "con" is the opposite of "pro", then isn't "congress" the opposite of "progress"?
Menschen haben nur ein Ende. Ideen leben ewig.
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So lang wie es die Sterne gibt, glaub daran, wirst du geliebt.
Barbie in Barbie - als Rapunzel
1
Ich habe nichts gegen Orlando, auch wenn es natürlich deutlich wahrscheinlicher ist, dort erschossen zu werden, als in London.
Ich möchte, dass ihr wisst, wie traurig ich darüber bin, den besten Job der Welt aufzugeben.
Boris Johnson - Juli 2022, Resignation Speech
Mehr Handel mit Katar und den Emiraten ist gut gegen den Terrorismus.
Veränderung ist nicht das Ziel, so wie Hoffnung keine Strategie ist.
Spotify Top 50 Deutschland... oder: Hauptschul-Megamix
I don't rate Heat fans like I rate Knicks fans. We are true basketball fans. No matter what - rain, sleet or snow, or even if we don't make it to the playoffs for 10 years - the Garden stands are still full.
Why can't we us thoughts and prayers to protect the border? It's what we use to protect our schools.
Wir trimmen alles auf Energieeffizienz und dann verballern wir mit diesen Algorithmen in einem Jahr bald mal eben so viel Energie wie das Land Dänemark.
Frank Thelen - Dezember 2017
Wie kommt man an Kryptos im Wert von 1000 €?
Indem man 2000 € investiert.
In einem Football Team geht es nicht um die Stärke einzelner Spieler, sondern um die Stärke der Gemeinschaft und wie gut sie zusammen arbeitet.
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