Michael: "Stanley, how about that hot picture you have by your desk? The centerfold in the Catholic schoolgirl's outfit? I mean, it is hot, it is sexy, and it turns him on. I will admit, best part of my morning is staring at it."
Stanley: "That is my daughter. She goes to Catholic girl's school. I'm taking it down right now."
A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night and he gets crabs. So the next day, he goes back to complain. And the woman says, "Hey, it was only $5. What did you expect, lobster?"Michael Scott in The Office, Staffel 2 Episode 2
There's no such thing as an appropriate joke - that's why it's a joke.Michael Scott in The Office, Staffel 2 Episode 2
Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate. So he's really not a part of our family. Also he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.Michael Scott in The Office, Staffel 2 Episode 2
Please do not drink and drive... because you may hit a bump and spill the drink.Michael Scott in The Office, Staffel 2 Episode 1
I mean, who's gonna give Kevin an award, Dunkin' Donuts?DonutsMichael Scott in The Office, Staffel 2 Episode 1
I live by one rule: "No office romances". No way! Very messy, inappropriate. But I live by another rule: "Just do it" - Nike.Michael Scott in The Office, Staffel 1 Episode 6
The purse girl hits everything on my checklist. Creamy skin, straight teeth, curly hair, amazing breasts... not for me, for my children - the Schrutes produce very thirsty babies.Dwight Schrute in The Office, Staffel 1 Episode 6
Michael: "This is our warehouse, or, as I like to call it, the 'whoorehouse'. But don't you call it that. I've earned the right."
Ryan: "Fine. Don't worry about that."
This is so sad. This is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head.Jim Halpert in The Office, Staffel 1 Episode 5
One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I'm better at hiding than they are... at vision.Dwight Schrute in The Office, Staffel 1 Episode 4
Everything Dwight does annoys me. And I spend hours thinking of ways to get back at him, but only in ways that would get me arrested.Jim Halpert in The Office, Staffel 1 Episode 4
I suggested we flip a coin, but Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course, by saying that, she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her.Pam Beesly in The Office, Staffel 1 Episode 4
The main difference between me and Donald Trump is that I get no pleasure out of saying the words, "You're fired."Donald TrumpMichael Scott in The Office, Staffel 1 Episode 4
All right. Who did this? I'm not mad, I just want to know who did it, so I can punish them.Dwight Schrute in The Office, Staffel 1 Episode 3
Schrute: "Never been sick. Perfect immune system."
Jim: "Well, if you've never been sick, then you don't have any antibodies."
Schrute: "I don't need them. Superior genes. I'm a Schrute."
I don't believe in coddling people. In the wild, there is no healthcare. In the wild, healthcare is: Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me. And I'm dead.
Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.
Jim: "Last night on 'Trading Spouses', there's...- have you seen it?"
Pam: "No, I have a life."
Jim: "Interesting. What's that like?"
You'll notice I didn't have anybody be Arab. I thought that would be too explosive. No pun intended.Michael Scott in The Office, Staffel 1 Episode 2
How come Chris Rock can do a routine, and everyone finds it hilarious and groundbreaking. Then I go and do the exact same routine, same comedic timing, and people file a complaint to corporate?Michael Scott in The Office, Staffel 1 Episode 2
Ich bin in erster Linie ein Freund und der Boss in zweiter. Und ich will mal sagen, in dritter ein Entertainer.
I'm a friend first and a boss second. Probably entertainer third.Michael Scott in The Office, Staffel 1 Episode 1
Das ist von ganz oben. Wie oft muss ich dir noch sagen, dass es für die Firmenleitung eine seperate Ablage gibt? Nämlich den Papierkorb!
This is from corporate. How many times have I told you that there's a special filing cabinet for things from corporate? It's called the wastepaper basket!Michael Scott in The Office, Staffel 1 Episode 1
Wenn ich gehen würde, wo sollte ich dann diesen ganzen unnützen Quatsch in meinem Kopf lassen? Den Tonnenpreis von Manila Ordnern?
If I left, what would I do with all this useless information in my head? You know? Tonnage price of manila folders?Jim Halpert in The Office, Staffel 1 Episode 1
Er hat meine Sachen schon wieder in Götterspeise eingegossen! Ist wirklich der absolute Knaller. Das dritte mal - und schon die beiden ersten male waren nicht witzig!
He put my stuff in Jell-O again! That's real professional. Thanks. This is the third time, and it wasn't funny the first two times either, Jim!Dwight Schrute in The Office, Staffel 1 Episode 1
Menschen vor denen ich Respekt habe sind zum Beispiel... Bob Hope. Abraham Lincoln, auf jeden Fall. Bono. Und wahrscheinlich wäre der liebe Gott der vierte. Ich denke, dass all diese Menschen unsere Welt in vielerlei Hinsicht positiv verändert haben. Das lässt sich gar nicht in Worte fassen.
Heros of mine would be... Bob Hope. Abraham Lincoln, definitely. Bono. And probably God would be the fourth one. I just think all those people really helped the world in so many ways that it's really beyond words.Michael Scott in The Office, Staffel 1 Episode 1
Ich glaube nicht, dass es schlimm wäre, wenn sie mir kündigen würden. Dann wäre ich womöglich...- ich denke nicht, dass Rezeptionistin für Mädchen ein Traumberuf ist.
I don't think it would be the worst thing if they let me go. Because then I might...- I just, I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist.Pam Beesly in The Office, Staffel 1 Episode 1
Ich liebe den amerikanischen Südwesten im Allgemeinen. Ich möchte Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah nennen. Dort ist für mich der Himmel.
I love the American Southwest, for starters. You may call them Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah. I call them heaven.Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, UtahDeangelo Vickers in The Office, Staffel 7 Episode 20