Manager: 'You had sexual intercourse with a co-worker on top of the produce that we sell to the public.'
Ted: 'I fucked her with a parsnip last week. And I sold the parsnip to a family with four small children.'
Manager: 'That took guts. We need guts. I'm promoting you.'
Ted: 'You got a lot of problems, don't you?'
Norah Jones: 'You did well for a guy with no dick.'
Ted: 'Yeah, you have no idea, how many angry letters I have written to Hasbro about that!'
Ganz egal wie viel Furore man auch macht in dieser Welt, ob man nun Macaulay Culkin, Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber oder ein sprechender Teddybär ist, irgendwann gehst du den Leuten am Arsch vorbei.
No matter how big a splash you make in this world whether you're Corey Feldman, Frankie Muniz, Justin Bieber or a talking teddy bear, eventually, nobody gives a shit.
Ted - Der Film, von ErzählerSee? There. Proof. Garfield's eyes look like a pair of tits.
Ted - Der Film, von TedTed: 'Lori, hey. So früh schon zurück?'
Lori: 'Hier siehts aus wie im Saustall! Und wer sind die überhaupt?'
Ted: 'Och das sind Nutten, schon okay.'
Ted: 'Lori, hey. You're home early.'
Lori: 'This place is a wreck! Who are these girls?'
Ted: 'Y'know, they're hookers. So it's fine.'
Ted: 'Donner-Buddies fürs Leben, richtig, Johnny?'
John: 'Auf jeden Fall.'
Ted: 'Komm hau rein, wir singen den Donner-Song.'
John, Ted: '[singen] Wenn du den Schrei des Donners hörst
Mach dir nicht ins Hemd
Schnapp deinen Donner-Buddy
Und sing ganz ungehämmt:
Fick dich, Donner! Leck mich doch am Sack!
Du Arschloch kannst mir gar nichts, du bist nur Gottes Kack!'
Ted: 'Thunder buddies for life, right, Johnny?'
John: 'Fucking right.'
Ted: 'Alright, come on, let's sing the thunder song.'
John: 'Alright.'
John, Ted: '[singing] When you hear the sound of thunder
Don't you get too scared
Just grab your thunder buddy
And say these magic words:
Fuck you, thunder! You can suck my dick!
You can't get me thunder, 'cause you're just God's farts!'
Filialleiter: 'Und sie denken, sie haben das Zeug dazu?'
Ted: 'Ich sag dir was ich hab - Mundgeruch von der Muschi deiner Alten!'
Filialleiter: 'So hat noch nie zuvor jemand mit mir gesprochen.'
Ted: 'Klar, weil alle noch den Mund voll haben, vom Dosensaft deiner Frau.'
Filialleiter: 'Sie haben den Job.'
Ted: 'Scheiße...'
Manager: 'So you think you got what it takes?'
Ted: 'I'll tell you what I got - your wife's pussy on my breath!'
Manager: 'Nobody's ever talked to me like that before.'
Ted: 'That's because everyone's mouth is usual full of your wife's box.'
Manager: 'You're hired.'
Ted: 'Shit...'
Mr. Bennett: 'Helen, hol mein Gewehr!'
John: 'Dad, nein!'
Ted: 'Ist das ein Kuschelgewehr?'