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Elliot: "I'm not hiding, I was just looking for my... you know, the... I was looking for my dignity."
J.D.: "Did you find it?"
Elliot: "No. I must've left it at college."

I've spent the past three-and-a-half years staring at greaseboards full of equations; before that, I spent four years working on my thesis; before that, I was in college, and before that... I was in the fifth grade.

Classes will dull your mind, destroy the potential for authentic creativity.

I'm going to college. I don't care if it ruins my career. I'd rather be smart than a movie star.

If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.

Ted: "Oh hey, where are you guys?"
Barney: "We're in a fundraiser, helping young women raise money for community college."
Ted: "Stripclub... nice!"

Long distance is a lie teenagers tell each other to get laid the summer before college.

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn't answer the phone.

Captain Dickson: "New assignment. Since you two cowboys love to drink booze, smoke weed with kids, and f*ck anything with a big ass in jeans with low self-esteem, I'm gonna send you to a place where all that shit is allowed."
Jenko: "Oh, I love Disneyland!"
Captain Dickson: "You two sons of b*tches are going to college!"

No man should escape our universities without knowing how little he knows.

My favorite college experience was probably leaving college.

Personally, I liked the university. They gave us money and facilities, we didn't have to produce anything. You've never been out of college. You don't know what it's like out there. I've worked in the private sector. They expect results!

Just because I don't have a college degree doesn't mean I am not smart!

To be successful in life what you need is education, not literacy and degrees.

The U.S. Census Bureau acknowledged this fact when it reported that those with a bachelor's degree earn on average $1 million more over their lifetime than those with only a high school diploma.

Chandler: "Wait a minute, is she going for spring vacation or is she going for spring break?"
Ross: "What's the difference?"
Monica: "Well, a spring vacation you're doing nice things with your grandparents. Spring break you're doing frat guys."

The University brings out all abilities, including incapability.

College isn’t the place to go for ideas.

The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.

You have to stay in school. You have to. You have to go to college. You have to get your degree. Because that's the one thing people can't take away from you is your education. And it is worth the investment.

Too much of what is called 'education' is little more than an expensive isolation from reality.

Education does not necessarily make you wiser.

Harmony. It's not about what's lasting or permanent, it is about individual voices coming together for a moment. And that moment lasts the length of a breath.

We believe that a little girl who’s offered an escape from poverty by a great teacher or a grant for college could become the next Steve Jobs.

This is all I'm going to say about drugs: Stay away from them! There's a time and a place for everything and it's called college.

Nobody takes an intro class to get on any other path, but the path to not being hungover anymore. I learned that in my intro to something-ology class.

That party last night was awfully crazy, I wish we taped it
I danced my ass off and had this one girl completely naked
Drink my beer and smoke my weed
But my good friends is all I need
Pass out at three, wake up at ten
Go out to eat, then do it again
Man, I love college

There's some nights I can't remember with friends I can't forget.

Giving a child an education is by far one of the most important investments we can make.

Neither comprehension nor learning can take place in an atmosphere of anxiety.

I actually thought that sharing a flat with my best friend would be a great idea.
Now it's 5 pm and we're sitting on camping-chairs in our living room and eat popcorn for breakfast.

It's only once you've stopped, that you realize how hard it is to start again. So you force yourself not to want it.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Stay hungry, stay foolish.

Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited.