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Hammond: "Colonel, the United States is not in the business of interfering in other people's affairs!"
O'Neill: "Since when?"

Maybourne: "I played a lot of hide and seek as a kid. I could always find anyone, anywhere, but they could never find me."
O'Neill: "Because they didn't want to."

Dr. Jackson: "How is it that you always manage to come up with the worst case scenario?"
Col. O'Neill: "I practice."

If you once again try to harm me or one of my companions, my patience with you will expire.

Daniel: "This tastes like chicken."
Sam: "So what's wrong with it?"
Daniel: "It's macaroni and cheese!"

Col. O'Neill: "Listen, I gotta ask you something. It's not easy for me."
Maj. Kawalsky: "We're friends."
Col. O'Neill: "If you don't make it... can I have your stereo?"

Maybourne, you are an idiot every day of the week. Why couldn't you have taken one day off?

Thornbird: "I'm Major Robert Thornbird. And you are?"
O'Neill: "Captain James T. Kirk of the Starship Enterprise."

I'll be honest with you, Bob. My name's not Kirk… it's Skywalker. Luke Skywalker.

Jack O'Neill: "If we want to find out who's behind this, we have to do what the Asgard do."
Daniel: "You mean bluff?"
Jack O'Neill: "Yep. We just need to do it without revealing what we know."
Daniel: "Which is nothing."
Jack O'Neill: "Right. But they don't know we know nothing."

Not until I'm dead… and sometimes not even then.

Daniel: "I think they're a family."
Jack: "Of what?"

Maybourne: "Teal'c, it's good to see you well."
Teal'c: "In my culture, I would be well within my rights to dismember you."

General Hammond, request permission to beat the crap outta this man.

Jack: "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it."
Bra'tac: "No, the bridge is too well-guarded."

Daniel: "This is the Hall of Might?"
Sam: "What were you expecting?"
Daniel: "I don't know... maybe a hall?"

Capt. Carter: "What a relief, I've never been so happy to see you guys!"
Col. O'Neill: "Well, sure you have. Remember that time on P3X-595 you drank that stuff that made you take off-"
Capt. Carter: "-we won't get into that right now!"

A serpent guard, a Horus guard, and a Setesh guard meet on a neutral planet. It is a tense moment. The serpent guard's eyes glow. The Horus guard's beak glistens. The Setesh guard's nose drips.

Capt. Carter: "Do you think this thing is going to end up being a revolutionary drug back on Earth?"
Dr. Jackson: "Well if it does, I'm sure someone else will end up getting credit for it. It's not like we can tell them where it really came from."
Col. O'Neill: "Damn, guess I'm going to have to cancel that Oprah interview!"
Teal'c: "What is an Oprah?"

Daniel, find me an anthropologist that dresses like this and I will eat this headdress.

I always have a reason that I'm not required to explain. It's a military thing.