What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!
Monty Python's Flying CircusColonel: "Watkins, why did you join the army?"
Watkins: "For the water-skiing and the travel, sir. Not for the killing, sir. I asked them to put it on my form, sir: 'no killing'."
Colonel: "Watkins, are you a pacifist?"
Watkins: "No, sir. I'm not a pacifist, sir. I'm a coward."
I'd like to complain about people who constantly hold things up by complaining about people who complain. It's high time something was done about it!
Monty Python's Flying CircusWe interrupt this program to annoy you and make things generally irritating.
Monty Python's Flying CircusWe serve no meat of any kind. We're not only proud of that, we're smug about it.
Monty Python's Flying CircusThis parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir, invisible. This is an ex-parrot.
Monty Python's Flying CircusMr. Notlob, there's nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can't prolong.
Monty Python's Flying CircusMorning, I'm a bank robber, please don't panic, just hand over all the money.
Monty Python's Flying CircusI cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory. On Wednesdays I go shopping, and have buttered scones for tea.
Monty Python's Flying CircusPeasant: "I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition."
Cardinal Ximinez: "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"