Zitate aus Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl

We find your American beer like making love in a canoe. It's f-ing close to water.

Yorkshireman 1: "Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves."
Yorkshireman 2: "But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'."

Mr. Smoketoomuch: "Good morning!"
Travel agency secretary: "Oh, good morning! Have you come to arrange a holiday or would you like a bjob?"

I've got two legs, from my hips to the ground
And when I move them, they walk around
And when I lift them, they climb the stairs
And when I shave them, they ain't got hairs.

I'd like to have an argument please.

Customer: "This isn't an argument! It's just contradiction!"
Professional Arguer: "No, it isn't!"
Customer: "Yes it is!"
Professional Arguer: "No, no, no!"
Customer: "It is!"
Professional Arguer: "No, it isn't!"
Customer: "Yes it is! An argument is an intellectual process! It isn't just contradiction!"
Professional Arguer: "Look, if I'm to argue with you, I have to take up a contracitary position!"
Customer: "Yes, but it's not just saying 'No it isn't!'"
Professional Arguer: "Yes, it is!"
Customer: "No, it isn't!"

Hello and welcome to the Ronald Reagan Memorial Bowl, here in the pretty L.A. suburb of Hollywood. Well, we're about to witness All-in Wrestling, brought to you tonight, ladies and gentlemen, by the makers of Scum, the world's first combined hair oil, foot ointment, and salad dressing; and by the makers of Titan, the novelty nuclear missile. You never know when it'll go off.

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table
David Hume could outconsume Schopenhauer and Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as schlossed as Schlegel
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya 'bout the raisin' of the wrist
Socrates himself was permanently pissed
And John Stuart Mill, of his own free will, on a half a pint of shandy was particularly ill
Plato, they say, could stick it away; half a pint of whiskey, every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart: "I drink, therefore I am."
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed -
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed.

Aristoteles Immanuel Kant John Stuart Mill David Hume

"Good evening, Your Holiness."
"Evening, Michelangelo. I want to talk to you about this painting of yours, The Last Supper. I'm not happy about it."
"Oh, dear. It took me hours."
"Not happy at all."
"Is it the jello you don't like?"
"No."
"It does add a bit of colour, doesn't it. Oh, I know, you don't like the kangaroo."
"What kangaroo?"
"No problem, I'll paint him out."
"I never saw a kangaroo."
"Uh, he's right at the back. No sweat, I'll make him into a disciple. All right?"
"That's the problem."
"What is?"
"The disciples."
"Are they too Jewish? I made Judas the most Jewish."
"No, it's just that there are 28 of them."

Barrister II: "And I waggled me wig! Whoaaoha!"
Barrister I: "You waggled you what?"
Barrister II: "I waggled me wig!"
Barrister I: "Really?"
Barrister II: "Ah, the only thing I waggled!"

Sit on my face and tell me that you love me, I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you too, I love to hear you oralise, when I'm between your thighs you blow me away. Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you, I'll sit on your face and then I'll love you truly, life can be fine if we both 69, if we sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play till we're blown away.

They're a typical Hollywood audience. All the kids are on drugs and all the adults are on roller skates.

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Freundschaft ist eine Seele in zwei Körpern.

Aristoteles

Liebe Seele Freundschaft

Ändert sich der Zustand der Seele, so ändert dies zugleich auch das Aussehen des Körpers und umgekehrt: ändert sich das Aussehen des Körpers, so ändert dies zugleich auch den Zustand der Seele.

Aristoteles

Es zeichnet einen gebildeten Geist aus, sich mit jenem Grad an Genauigkeit zufrieden zu geben, den die Natur der Dinge zulässt.

Aristoteles

Geist Wissenschaft

Freundschaft, im höchsten Sinne des Wortes,
mit vielen einzugehen, ist nicht möglich,
wie man auch nicht viele zugleich lieben kann.

Aristoteles

Freundschaft

Auch das Denken schadet bisweilen der Gesundheit.

Aristoteles

Denken

Sparsamkeit in allen Dingen ist die vernünftige Handlung eines rechtdenkenden Menschen.

Immanuel Kant

Sparen & Sparsamkeit

Wer im Gedächtnis seiner Lieben lebt, der ist nicht tot, der ist nur fern; tot ist nur, wer vergessen wird.

The one who lives in the memories of his loved ones can't be dead; dead is only who's forgotten.

Immanuel Kant

Tod Trauer & Beileid Totensonntag

Die Lüge ist der eigentliche faule Fleck in der menschlichen Natur.

By a lie, a man... annihilates his dignity as a man.

Immanuel Kant

Lügen

Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.

Immanuel Kant

In law a man is guilty when he violates the rights of others. In ethics he is guilty if he only thinks of doing so.

Immanuel Kant

Konservative Menschen sind nicht zwangsläufig dumm, aber die dümmsten Menschen sind Konservative.

Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives.

John Stuart Mill

Fortschritt

The only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others. His own good, either physical or moral, is not sufficient warrant.

John Stuart Mill

A person may cause evil to others not only by his actions but by his inaction, and in either case he is justly accountable to them for the injury.

John Stuart Mill

I have learned to seek my happiness by limiting my desires, rather than in attempting to satisfy them.

John Stuart Mill

Alles, was nicht als Mittel zu einem Zweck und letztlich als Mittel zum Glück begehrt wird, ist selbst ein Teil des Glücks und wird erst dann um seiner selbst willen begehrt, wenn es dazu geworden ist.

John Stuart Mill

Glück

Ein weiser Mann passt seine Überzeugungen an die Tatsachen an.

A wise man proportions his belief to the evidence.

David Hume

Weisheit

Nichts überrascht mich mehr als die Leichtigkeit mit der sich viele von wenigen beherrschen lassen.

Nothing is more surprising than the easiness with which the many are governed by the few.

David Hume

Regierungen

It is seldom that liberty of any kind is lost all at once.

David Hume

Die Vernunft ist nur ein Sklave der Gefühle und kann niemals vorgeben etwas anderes zu tun als ihnen zu gehorchen.

Reason is, and ought only to be the slave of the passions, and can never pretend to any other office than to serve and obey them.

David Hume

Gefühle Kopf gegen Herz

Die Schönheit der Dinge existiert im Geist dessen der sie anschaut.

Beauty in things exists in the mind which contemplates them.

David Hume

Schönheit

Ich meine, was hast du schon zu verlieren, du weißt, du kommst aus dem Nichts und du gehst wieder ins Nichts zurück. Was hast du also verloren? Nichts!

You know, you come from nothing, you're going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing!

Das Leben des Brian

Tod

Brian: "Ihr seid alle Individuen!"
Volk: "Ja, wir sind alle Individuen!"
Brian: "Und ihr seid alle völlig verschieden!"
Volk: "Ja, wir sind alle völlig verschieden!"
Mann: "Ich nicht."

Brian: "You're all individuals!"
People: "Yes, we're all individuals!"
Brian: "You're all different!"
People: "Yes, we are all different!"
Man: "I'm not."

Das Leben des Brian

Charakter

Franzose: "Du verkackter englischer Frischbiertrinker! Ich furze auf euch, ihr Schweinepriester! Wenn es nach mir geht, kommt ihr nicht in die europäische Gemeinschaft!"
Sir Galahad: "Ist dort oben noch jemand anders, mit dem wir reden können?"
Franzose: "Nein! Und jetzt verschwindet endlich, sonst rufe isch 'God shave the Queen'!"

Frenchman: "You empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
Sir Galahad: "Is there someone else up there we can talk to?"
Frenchman: "No! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"

Die Ritter der Kokosnuß

Jetzt türmst du, hm? Du bist ein Feigling - komm zurück du Anfänger! Na warte, wenn ich dich erwische, spiel ich mit deinem Sack Fußball!

Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!

Die Ritter der Kokosnuß

Ah, I see you have the machine that goes "ping!". This is my favourite. You see, we lease this back from the company we sold it to - that way it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account.

Hospital Administrator in Der Sinn des Lebens - Part I: The Miracle of Birth

Obstetrician 1: "Get the EEG, the BP monitor, and the AVV."
Obstetrician 2: "And get the machine that goes 'ping!'."
Obstetrician 1: "And get the most expensive machine - in case the Administrator comes."

Der Sinn des Lebens - Part I: The Miracle of Birth

What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!

Monty Python's Flying Circus

Colonel: "Watkins, why did you join the army?"
Watkins: "For the water-skiing and the travel, sir. Not for the killing, sir. I asked them to put it on my form, sir: 'no killing'."
Colonel: "Watkins, are you a pacifist?"
Watkins: "No, sir. I'm not a pacifist, sir. I'm a coward."

Monty Python's Flying Circus

Wenn Gott nicht wollte, dass wir Tiere essen, wieso hat er sie dann aus Fleisch gemacht?

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

John Cleese

Grillen Fleisch

Ich finde es recht einfach, einen Geschäftsmann zu spielen. Langweilig, grausam und inkompetent zu wirken, das liegt mir einfach.

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

John Cleese

Kapitalismus Business

In meinem Leben vergeht kein Tag, ohne dass jemand die Worte "Monty Python" zu mir sagt. Gar nicht schlecht.

No day of my life passes without someone saying the words "Monty Python" to me. It's not bad.

Eric Idle

Wir haben erkannt, dass je weniger wir arbeiten, desto mehr Geld verdienen wir.

We've discovered that the less we do, the more money we make.

Eric Idle

Die Menschen sollten mal abbremsen und darüber nachdenken, was sie da tun.

The human race should just slow down and think about what it is doing.

Michael Palin

Menschen

Im Gegensatz zu dem, was Politiker und Religionen uns glauben lassen wollen, wird die Welt nicht sicherer, indem wir Grenzen zwischen den Menschen aufbauen.

Contrary to what the politicians and religious leaders would like us to believe, the world won't be made safer by creating barriers between people.

Michael Palin

Grenzen

Ich habe jede Minute der Python Zeit geliebt und schulde ihnen eine Menge.

I loved every minute of Python and owe so much to them.

Carol Cleveland - Juni 2014

We're all in our 70s now and even doing 10 shows, with lots of costume changes, is going to be exhausting. And the guys have far more to do than me, obviously. But I have a feeling it might not be the last Python project ever. I wouldn't be surprised if they did another film.

Carol Cleveland - Juni 2014

What really alarms me about President Bush's "War on Terrorism" is the grammar. How do you wage war on an abstract noun? How is "Terrorism" going to surrender? It's well known, in philological circles, that it's very hard for abstract nouns to surrender.

Terry Jones

Terrorismus

Wir werden definitiv keinen Koran verbrennen. Nicht heute, nicht jemals.

We will definitely not burn the Koran, no. Not today, not ever.

Terry Jones

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