What I hear when I'm being yelled at is people caring really loudly at me.
I would like a glass of red wine and I'll take the cheapest one you have because I can't tell the difference.
I'm big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.
No matter what I do, literally nothing bad can happen to me. I'm like a white, male U.S. Senator.
Calzones are pointless. They're just pizza that's harder to eat. No one likes them.
The raccoon problem is under control. They have their part of the town and we have ours.
I don't want to be overdramatic, but today felt like a hundred years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life.
I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things.
Guys love it when you can show them you're better than they are at something they love.
We have to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, work. But work has to come third.
I'm gonna get drunk and then I'm gonna order a three-course meal where each course is made of dessert.
Everything hurts and I'm dying.
Parks and Recreation - Staffel 4 Episode 17