That twerking pig may actually be the perfect embodiment of the entire Brexit situation. It's in motion already, we're all powerless to stop it and it is impossible to look away.
(Last Week Tonight) - Brexit II
Leuten etwas über die Struktur der FIFA zu erzählen, ist so, als würde man ihnen "Two Girls, One Cup" zeigen. Man macht es hauptsächlich für die erschrockenen und schockierten Gesichter der Leute.
(Last Week Tonight) - World Cup Excitement
David Cameron announced he is stepping down in the wake of a vote, which should make me happy, but it doesn't. It's like catching an ice cream cone out of the air, because a child has been hit by a car. I'll eat it! But it's tainted somehow.
Accusing America of creating Venzuela's crisis is about as fair as accusing O.J. Simpson of murdering Princess Diana. I'm not saying it would be completly out of character, it just happens to not be true in this particular instance.
(Last Week Tonight) - Venezuela
It's interesting how your feelings on sueing the government can change a lot, based on who is saying it. It's like how, "I'm getting off here", is a fine thing for someone to say, if they're standing next to the door of a train. But it's a rude thing to say, if they are masturbating on that same train.
(Last Week Tonight) - State Attorneys General
Calling Facebook a toilet is a little unfair to toilets. Because they make shit go away, whereas Facebook retains shit.
(Last Week Tonight) - Facebook
Our main story tonight concerns Facebook, the worst place to wish Happy Birthday to a friend, other than a funeral.
(Last Week Tonight) - Facebook
Trade. The basic system of barter exchange that you have to do really carefully or you'll end up with Dwight Howard.
(Last Week Tonight) - Trade
[..] weiter zu einer unschönen Geschichte über ein Schamhaar in einer Cola Dose. Das widerlichste, was man in einer Cola Dose vorfinden kann - abgesehen von Pepsi.
(Last Week Tonight) - Workplace Sexual Harassment
Senior citizens, the people who stay active by playing shuffleboard, going on walks or performing their hit-song 'I can't get no satisfaction' in front of packed arenas around the world.
(Last Week Tonight) - Guardianship
Generally, Balls are to the human body what 'Starz' is to a cable package: It comes with it, we understand that, but it's not nice to look at and nobody really knows what to do with it.
(Last Week Tonight) - Guardianship
Germany... where the national motto is, "let's stick to the present, shall we?"
(Last Week Tonight)
America is the country that gave you Star Wars, you're welcome. And scientology, we're sorry about that. Sometimes what's great and terrible about us is just impossible to seperate.
(Last Week Tonight) - Trump vs. The World
Sein Ansatz ist 'Amerika zuerst!' Außenpolitik ist wie Sex. Wenn du lautstark ankündigst, dass du vor allen anderen kommst, hast du Schwierigkeiten, Partner zu finden.
(Last Week Tonight) - Trump vs. The World
Griechenland... das Land, das Geld ausgegeben hat wie ein Rapper, dessen Buchhalter Nicolas Cage ist.
(Last Week Tonight)
Greenland is icy, distant and semi-autonomous. It's exactly Trump's type.
(Last Week Tonight)
Gefängnisurteile sind wie Penisse. Gut eingesetzt, klappt es auch mit einem Kurzen... habe ich mir sagen lassen.
(Last Week Tonight) - Mandatory Minimums
Das einzige Problem ist, dass Budweiser einer der Hauptsponsoren der FIFA ist. Und die verkaufen ein Produkt, welches sie nach wie vor hartnäckig als "Bier" bezeichnen.
(Last Week Tonight) - World Cup Excitement
Mexiko... oder wie ihr es vielleicht nennt: Scharfes Kanada.
(Last Week Tonight)
Comedy & Satire
Donald Trump
Brexit
FIFA (Verband)
Prinzessin Diana
Dwight Howard
Nicolas Cage