Zitate und Sprüche von John Oliver

John Oliver ist ein Charakter aus Last Week Tonight,

Zitate und Sprüche von John Oliver
Zitate 1 bis 50 von 5612

Wenn du ein kleines, reiches, strategisch positioniertes Land mit Ölvorkommen bist, ist die ganze Welt dein Freund.

If you are a tiny, wealthy, strategically located country with oily business underneath you, the whole world is your friend.

Öl, BruneiJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Australien... Heimat aller Tiere, die eigentlich längst ausgestorben sein sollten.

Australia... home of every animal that seems like it should already be extinct.

AustralienJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Nigeria... das Land dessen Prinz bestimmt bald einen Teil des Geldes, das er noch schuldet, schickt.

Nigeria... the country whose prince is going to be sending some of that money he owes any day now.

NigeriaJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Neuseeland... das Australien der Hobbits.

New Zealand... Hobbit's Australia.

NeuseelandJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Nordkorea... seit 70 Jahren in Folge ausgezeichnet als das "beste Korea" vom Nordkorea Magazin.

North Korea... named "Best Korea" for 70 years running by North Korea Magazine.

NordkoreaJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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China... das Land, das für so viele technische Errungenschaften verantwortlich ist - und es trotzdem nicht schaffen, dass Pandas sich fortpflanzen.

China... the country responsible for huge technological advances and yet, it still can't seem to get pandas to fuck.

ChinaJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Indien... oder wie wir es mal genannt haben, Englands Gewürzschrank.

India... or as we once called it, Britain's spice rack.

IndienJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Dänemark... auch bekannt als "falsches Norwegen", "anderes Schweden" und "das ist nicht Finland".

Denmark... also known as "wrong Norway", "different Sweden" and "that's actually not Finland".

DänemarkJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Das Vereinigte Königreich... das Land, das der Welt die Beatles geschenkt und sie dann mit Coldplay bestraft hat.

The UK... the country that gave the world The Beatles and then punished it with Coldplay.

Beatles, England & GroßbritannienJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Großbritannien... Amerikas "Vorher" Foto.

The United Kingdom... America's "before" photo.

England & GroßbritannienJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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The United Kingdom... birthplace of The Beatles and yet very much, the world's Ringo.

England & GroßbritannienJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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The UK... earth's least magic kingdom.

England & GroßbritannienJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Though, Belgium does have one thing in common with Budweiser, historically speaking: Germans refuse to acknowledge it's even there.

BelgienJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Israel... drama-wise the opposite of Canada.

IsraelJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Saudi Arabia... the country with bans on pork, alcohol and porn - or, as it's known in America: a Florida Breakfast.

Florida, Saudi-ArabienJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Russland... die zukünftige Heimat von 45 Millionen Ukrainern.

Russia... the future home of 45 million Ukrainians.

Russland, UkraineJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Russland... der Vorgänger und Nachfolger der Sowjetunion.

Russia... the prequel and sequel to the Sowjet Union.

RusslandJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Russland... das Land, das der Welt Tetris und eventuell den 45. Präsidenten der Vereinigten Staaten gegeben hat.

Russia... the country that gave the world Tetris, merkins you wear on your heads, and potentially the 45th President of the United States.

Russland, Donald TrumpJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Griechenland... die jüngste Griechische Tragödie.

Greece... the most recent Greek Tragedy.

GriechenlandJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
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Deutschland... ein Land, das seinen Kindern Märchen erzählt, in denen zwei Kinder zum Sterben im Wald alleine gelassen, fast gekocht und gegessen werden, und dann eine alte Frau ermorden.

Germany... a country whose idea of a bedtime story is two children being left to die in the forest, before nearly being cooked and eaten and then murdering an old woman.

Deutschland, MärchenJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
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Sweden. Who hasn't spent 20 minutes in IKEA and immediately wanted to launch an attack on Sweden?

Schweden, IKEAJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Norway... the left testicle in the frigid sea penis of Scandinavia.

NorwegenJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Brazil... the country with the second most valuable Amazon on earth.

Brasilien, AmazonJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Brazil... home of that one famous statue that I don't know the name of, 'cause I'm too embarrassed to google, "come at me bro jesus statue".

BrasilienJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Life isn't just a fairytale land of alpacas and pan flutes, Peru!

PeruJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Canada - what you'd get if America and Britain had a baby they abandoned in the snow.

KanadaJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Irland... das Boston Europas.

Ireland... Europe's Boston.

IrlandJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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The league should not ask anyone to miss the birth of their first child. That is a magic moment! Now, second child - that's negotiable. Same shit, different day. Third child - I'm not even sure the mother has to be there.

John Oliver in Last Week Tonight, Coronavirus VII: Sports
 
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Basically, Amazon is the industry trend setter. They're the Michael Jackson of shipping: They're the best at what they do, everyone tries to imitate them, and nobody who learns a third thing about them is happy that they did.

AmazonJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight, Warehouses
 
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The United Kingdom... a place whose very name after this week's events is beginning to sound a bit sarcastic.

England & Großbritannien, BrexitJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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That twerking pig may actually be the perfect embodiment of the entire Brexit situation. It's in motion already, we're all powerless to stop it and it is impossible to look away.

BrexitJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight, Brexit II
 
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Den Briten damit zu drohen, dass nur Salz und Essig auf den Tisch kommt, ist als würde man den Franzosen mit Wein und Baguette drohen, oder den Schweizern mit Schokolade und Nazigold.

Threatening the British by saying there will be only salt and vinegar on the table, is like threatening the French by saying there will only be wine and baguettes, or threatening the Swiss by saying there'll only be chocolate and Nazi gold.

Frankreich, England & Großbritannien, SchweizJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight, Brexit II
 
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David Cameron announced he is stepping down in the wake of a vote, which should make me happy, but it doesn’t. It’s like catching an ice cream cone out of the air, because a child has been hit by a car. I’ll eat it! But it’s tainted somehow.

BrexitJohn Oliver
 
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Accusing America of creating Venzuela's crisis is about as fair as accusing O.J. Simpson of murdering Princess Diana. I'm not saying it would be completly out of character, it just happens to not be true in this particular instance.

AmerikaJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight, Venezuela
 
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It's interesting how your feelings on sueing the government can change a lot, based on who is saying it. It's like how, 'I'm getting off here', is a fine thing for someone to say, if they're standing next to the door of a train. But it's a rude thing to say, if they are masturbating on that same train.

John Oliver in Last Week Tonight, State Attorneys General
 
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Calling Facebook a toilet is a little unfair to toilets. Because they make shit go away, whereas Facebook retains shit.

FacebookJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight, Facebook
 
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Our main story tonight concerns Facebook, the worst place to wish Happy Birthday to a friend, other than a funeral.

FacebookJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight, Facebook
 
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Trade. The basic system of barter exchange that you have to do really carefully or you'll end up with Dwight Howard.

John Oliver in Last Week Tonight, Trade
 
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[..] to an infamous story about a pubic hair in a coke can. Which is the most disgusting thing you could possibly discover in a coke can - other than Pepsi.

ColaJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight, Workplace Sexual Harassment
 
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Senior citizens, the people who stay active by playing shuffleboard, going on walks or performing their hit-song 'I can't get no satisfaction' in front of packed arenas around the world.

John Oliver in Last Week Tonight, Guardianship
 
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Generally, Balls are to the human body what 'Starz' is to a cable package: It comes with it, we understand that, but it's not nice to look at and nobody really knows what to do with it.

John Oliver in Last Week Tonight, Guardianship
 
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Germany... where the national motto is, "let's stick to the present, shall we?"

DeutschlandJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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The NRA, a group that feels about guns, the way the rest of us feels about Nutella. A little is good, more is better and you can tell me it's bad for me all you like, but you will pry it from my cold dead hands.

WaffenJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight, NRA TV
 
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America ist the country that gave you Star Wars, you're welcome. And scientology, we're sorry about that. Sometimes what's great and terrible about us is just impossible to seperate.

AmerikaJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight, Trump vs. The World
 
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Sein Ansatz ist 'Amerika zuerst!' Außenpolitik ist wie Sex. Wenn du lautstark ankündigst, dass du vor allen anderen kommst, hast du Schwierigkeiten, Partner zu finden.

His approach is 'America first!' Foreign affairs is like sex. If you loudly announce that you will always come first, you're going to have trouble finding partners.

Donald TrumpJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight, Trump vs. The World
 
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During WWII, we rushed into developing nuclear weapons, because we were trying to defeat the nazis, who - fun fact - pretty much all Americans agreed were bad at the time.

2017John Oliver in Last Week Tonight, Nuclear Waste
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Australia... not just the country where Russel Crowe lives, but very much the Russel Crowe of countries.

AustralienJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Griechenland... das Land, das Geld ausgegeben hat wie ein Rapper, dessen Buchhalter Nicolas Cage ist.

Greece... the country that spent money like a rapper whose accountant is Nicolas Cage.

GriechenlandJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Greenland is icy, distant and semi-autonomous. It's exactly Trump's type.

Donald Trump, GrönlandJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight
 
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Like Channing Tatum, North Dakota suddenly turned out to be a lot more interesting, once it was covered in oil.

Öl, North DakotaJohn Oliver in Last Week Tonight, North Dakota
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