Zitate und Sprüche von Joe Caputo

Joe Caputo: "You ever notice how some dog breeds, they sound kind of dirty? Like, shih tzu, cocker, Jack-something."
Susan Fischer: "Poodle."
Joe Caputo: "That is good, I didn't think of that one."

Orange Is the New Black - Staffel 1 Episode 7

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Nein ich wurde nie deswegen verhaftet. Vagabundieren, Störung des öffentlichen Friedens, Nacktheit, Ansprechen von Männern.. ähh.. wie heißt das, wenn die jemanden wirklich verhaften wollen, aber keinen Grund zum verhaften haben? ... Ah.. Belästigung der Allgemeinheit! Da hab ich die meisten Punkte, Sir.

Lolly in Orange Is the New Black - Staffel 4 Episode 7

Poussey: "Also du sagst, du willst nicht mit mir zusammen sein."
Soso: "Nein. Ich ... Ich weiß nur nicht ob ich jemals das sein werde, was du brauchst."
Poussey: "Das lass mal meine Sorge sein."
Soso: "Wie meinst du das?"
Poussey: "Also... vielleicht stellt es in Frage, was du bisher von dir gedacht hast ... und vielleicht brichst du ja mein Herz in tausend Stücke, aber ähm, das sind nur >Vielleichts<. Man kann sein Leben nicht nach den >Vielleichts< richten."

Poussey Washington in Orange Is the New Black - Staffel 4 Episode 6

You're a beautiful, sweet girl. F*ck this guy!

Nicky Nichols in Orange Is the New Black

What do I think love is? It's like when someone makes your stomach feel all tight, but floaty at the same time, you know? And your cheeks hurt from smiling. And you smile so much, that people think something's wrong with you.
...And also f*cking. Twenty-four seven, deep-dick, can't-walk-right f*cking.

Aleida Diaz in Orange Is the New Black

"What's love to you?"
Flaca: "It's like getting into a bath, but the water is like warm chocolate pudding. And the Smiths are playing ‘There Is A Light That Never Goes Out.' There's mood lighting all over, and there's like five dudes massaging you."
Maritza: "And you have a pizza!"
Flaca: "She's right. You also have a pizza."

Marisol Gonzales in Orange Is the New Black

Pizza

I hate it when you talk sometimes. No... all the time.

Nicky Nichols in Orange Is the New Black

You need to figure out what the f*ck you want.

Nicky Nichols in Orange Is the New Black

If you want my advice? Get out of your own goddamn drama for a minute.

Nicky Nichols in Orange Is the New Black

Larry Bloom: "Piper, you put a pee stick in my rinsing cup."
Piper Chapman: "Well, you put your pee stick in my v*gina. And that's why we're in this situation."

Piper Chapman in Orange Is the New Black - Staffel 1 Episode 8

Vaginas

Sam Healy: "It's popular fiction. It's like global warming or female ejac*lation."
Piper: "No! No. No, it's not. This is real."
Sam Healy: "How is it real? Wait, which?"
Piper: "The chicken. And the... the chicken."

Piper Chapman in Orange Is the New Black - Staffel 1 Episode 5

Honey, don't you think the little rocks would hurt your nose, if you're trying to snort crack? I think you mean coke.

Piper Chapman in Orange Is the New Black - Staffel 1 Episode 2

Larry Bloom: "Are we at least gonna talk about other options?"
Piper Chapman: "You mean..."
Larry Bloom: "It's not Voldemort, you can say it. Abortion."

Larry Bloom in Orange Is the New Black - Staffel 1 Episode 8

Or I look single, 34 and single, which must mean there's something wrong with me. Like, you keep large reptiles in tanks, or I have a very special relationship with my mother.

Larry Bloom in Orange Is the New Black - Staffel 1 Episode 7

Well, I'm just gonna go jerk off then. For the 500th time today.

Larry Bloom in Orange Is the New Black - Staffel 1 Episode 3

All I wanted was to eat the chicken that is smarter than other chickens and to absorb it's power.

Galina Reznikov in Orange Is the New Black

I would very much like to return your witty banter, but I am too exhausted to be clever.

Galina Reznikov in Orange Is the New Black

Red: "Black girls hear about a chicken, of course this will happen."
Piper: "Why, because all black people love chicken?"
Red: "Don't be racist. Because they're all on heroin, and somebody's been telling them there's heroin in the chicken."

Galina Reznikov in Orange Is the New Black - Staffel 1 Episode 5

Rule Number One: Don't ever fall in love with a straight girl.

Alex Vause in Orange Is the New Black

I'm pretty much the master of handling things completely wrong.

Alex Vause in Orange Is the New Black

Well, I think that... when you have a connection with someone, it never really goes away, you know?

Alex Vause in Orange Is the New Black

Pain is always there cause life is freaking painful, okay?

Tiffany Doggett in Orange Is the New Black

Pennsatucky: "It weren't my fault. I was just doing as the Spirit commanded."
Pussey: "F*ck are you? Joan of Arc?"
Pennsatucky: "No, I'm from Waynesboro, my name is Tiffany..."

Tiffany Doggett in Orange Is the New Black - Staffel 1 Episode 5

What the hell is the matter with you? You tryin' out for the retard Olympics?

George Mendez in Orange Is the New Black - Staffel 1 Episode 5

P*rnstache: "You are not an agent of God, okay? God can do so much better than you. You must know that, right?"
Pennsatucky: "Know what?"
P*rnstache: "Jesus Christ, how the f*ck did you survive infancy?"
Pennsatucky: "My auntie helped my momma..."
P*rnstache: "That's a rhetorical question! Do you not understand what a f*cking rhetorical question is?"

George Mendez in Orange Is the New Black - Staffel 1 Episode 5

You gotta move...The f*ck...On!

Gloria Mendoza in Orange Is the New Black

Lorna Morello: "I need to start tightening up. You're making me feel like a cave."
Nicky Nichols: "Baby, it's a c*nt, it stretches!"
Lorna Morello: "Yeah, sometimes I feel like you're trying to climb inside my womb."

Lorna Morello in Orange Is the New Black - Staffel 1 Episode 5

The only difference between us is, when I made bad decisions in life, I didn't get caught.

Susan Fischer in Orange Is the New Black - Staffel 1 Episode 7

Ich bin nicht verrückt. Ich bin einzigartig.

I am not crazy. I am unique.

Suzanne Warren in Orange Is the New Black

Zitate und Sprüche von Joe Caputo

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