Die schönsten Filmzitate (Seite 31)

I watched my father burn to death. I can still remember him screaming. The people who were there said my father died long before the tanks blew. They said it was me that was screaming.

Every day for the last three weeks you've been coming in here and you've been asking me how the tuna is. Now, it was crappy yesterday, it was crappy the day before and guess what? It hasn't changed.

Don't cry. If you have become human enough to cry, then all the magic in the world cannot change you back.

It's a very rare person who is taken for what he truly is.

When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning
and the future has passed without even a last desperate warning
then look into the sky where through the clouds a path is worn
look and see her how she sparkles, its the last unicorn

When the last eagle flies over the last crumbling mountain
And the last lion roars at the last dusty fountain
In the shadow of the forest though she may be old and worn
They will stare unbelieving at the last unicorn

What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!

Colonel: "Watkins, why did you join the army?"
Watkins: "For the water-skiing and the travel, sir. Not for the killing, sir. I asked them to put it on my form, sir: 'no killing'."
Colonel: "Watkins, are you a pacifist?"
Watkins: "No, sir. I'm not a pacifist, sir. I'm a coward."

I'd like to complain about people who constantly hold things up by complaining about people who complain. It's high time something was done about it!

We interrupt this program to annoy you and make things generally irritating.

We serve no meat of any kind. We're not only proud of that, we're smug about it.

This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir, invisible. This is an ex-parrot.

Mr. Notlob, there's nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can't prolong.

Morning, I'm a bank robber, please don't panic, just hand over all the money.

I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory. On Wednesdays I go shopping, and have buttered scones for tea.

Peasant: "I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition."
Cardinal Ximinez: "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"

We find your American beer like making love in a canoe. It's f-ing close to water.

Yorkshireman 1: "Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves."
Yorkshireman 2: "But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'."

Mr. Smoketoomuch: "Good morning!"
Travel agency secretary: "Oh, good morning! Have you come to arrange a holiday or would you like a bjob?"

I've got two legs, from my hips to the ground
And when I move them, they walk around
And when I lift them, they climb the stairs
And when I shave them, they ain't got hairs.

I'd like to have an argument please.

Customer: "This isn't an argument! It's just contradiction!"
Professional Arguer: "No, it isn't!"
Customer: "Yes it is!"
Professional Arguer: "No, no, no!"
Customer: "It is!"
Professional Arguer: "No, it isn't!"
Customer: "Yes it is! An argument is an intellectual process! It isn't just contradiction!"
Professional Arguer: "Look, if I'm to argue with you, I have to take up a contracitary position!"
Customer: "Yes, but it's not just saying 'No it isn't!'"
Professional Arguer: "Yes, it is!"
Customer: "No, it isn't!"

Hello and welcome to the Ronald Reagan Memorial Bowl, here in the pretty L.A. suburb of Hollywood. Well, we're about to witness All-in Wrestling, brought to you tonight, ladies and gentlemen, by the makers of Scum, the world's first combined hair oil, foot ointment, and salad dressing; and by the makers of Titan, the novelty nuclear missile. You never know when it'll go off.

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table
David Hume could outconsume Schopenhauer and Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as schlossed as Schlegel
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya 'bout the raisin' of the wrist
Socrates himself was permanently pissed
And John Stuart Mill, of his own free will, on a half a pint of shandy was particularly ill
Plato, they say, could stick it away; half a pint of whiskey, every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart: "I drink, therefore I am."
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed -
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed.

"Good evening, Your Holiness."
"Evening, Michelangelo. I want to talk to you about this painting of yours, The Last Supper. I'm not happy about it."
"Oh, dear. It took me hours."
"Not happy at all."
"Is it the jello you don't like?"
"No."
"It does add a bit of colour, doesn't it. Oh, I know, you don't like the kangaroo."
"What kangaroo?"
"No problem, I'll paint him out."
"I never saw a kangaroo."
"Uh, he's right at the back. No sweat, I'll make him into a disciple. All right?"
"That's the problem."
"What is?"
"The disciples."
"Are they too Jewish? I made Judas the most Jewish."
"No, it's just that there are 28 of them."

Barrister II: "And I waggled me wig! Whoaaoha!"
Barrister I: "You waggled you what?"
Barrister II: "I waggled me wig!"
Barrister I: "Really?"
Barrister II: "Ah, the only thing I waggled!"

Sit on my face and tell me that you love me, I'll sit on your face and tell you I love you too, I love to hear you oralise, when I'm between your thighs you blow me away. Sit on my face and let my lips embrace you, I'll sit on your face and then I'll love you truly, life can be fine if we both 69, if we sit on our faces in all sorts of places and play till we're blown away.

They're a typical Hollywood audience. All the kids are on drugs and all the adults are on roller skates.