Right. I have an intelligence of 6. I know what I'm doing.Travis Willingham / Grog Strongjaw in Critical Role, Staffel 1 Episode 1
Vax'ildan: "Good sir dwarf, clearly we are idiots."
Dungeon Master: "That's the first true thing you've said since you called me out of my meal."
Oh, Kern, do you need some dck? Because I gave some to your mom last night!Sam Riegel / Scanlan Shorthalt in Critical Role, Staffel 1 Episode 23
In fact, we'll be keeping your weapons, your armor, and, I believe, your pride.Taliesin Jaffe / Percy de Rolo in Critical Role, Staffel 1 Episode 5
Dagger's so sharp it could cut the sexual tension.Taliesin Jaffe / Percy de Rolo in Critical Role, Staffel 1 Episode 24
Hello, I'd like to share the news of our lord and savior, my axe in your face!Travis Willingham / Grog Strongjaw in Critical Role, Staffel 1 Episode 29
Hello, everyone! And welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons and Dragons.Matthew Mercer / Dungeon Master in Critical Role, Episode 45
Only in the house of lady favors do I let my beans hang out when I sleep.Travis Willingham / Grog Strongjaw in Critical Role, Episode 58
It's so rare that we're actually given the opportunity to be honest about everything; we might as well try it once and see if we like it.Taliesin Jaffe / Percy de Rolo in Critical Role, Episode 65
Kashaw: "Is there a weak point?"
Scanlan: "Our plan."
We don't do anything with dignity.Laura Bailey / Vex'ahlia in Critical Role, Episode 83
What's the best thing you've got? That's, you know, within reason.Laura Bailey / Vex'ahlia in Critical Role, Episode 84
You can't walk off in the middle of a game of hide-and-seek again. I've been in a barrel for an hour! I fell asleep in there!Liam O'Brien / Vax'ildan in Critical Role, Episode 87
Keyleth: "Hey, guys… We're friends, right?"
Percy: "Worse. We're family."
Well, you haven't seen a door mimic before, because I don't hate you that much yet.Matthew Mercer / Dungeon Master in Critical Role, Episode 90
I do not want to die who I am. I would like to live long enough to be someone else.Taliesin Jaffe / Percy de Rolo in Critical Role
Vax'ildan: "You come on to every human, orc, and half-elf in the entire kingdom, but pretending to be my wife for 30 minutes is too much?"
Vex'ahlia: "Yes, it's disgusting, so no."
Vax'ildan: "You're probably right."
Scanlan: "Ok, I'm gonna move right there, into the room as far as I can."
Dungeon Master: "That's as far as, you can go that far."
Scanlan: "Ok, and I'm going to cast stinking cloud. Right there. It's gonna smell like just ass over there."
Don't worry, that hard wood is the boat.Sam Riegel / Scanlan Shorthalt in Critical Role, Staffel 1 Episode 10
With my frenzied rage renewed, I run towards the water, haunted by nightmares of Sebastian and the Little Mermaid and I leap into the water, and start slashing, and slashing.Travis Willingham / Grog Strongjaw in Critical Role
If only I had taken a dump in the middle of town, I could see what's going on right now.Sam Riegel / Scanlan Shorthalt in Critical Role
Grog: "We have, also if you're interested, in trade, basilisk eggs, and parts of an umberhulk."
Vax'ildan: "And a troll dck."
Grog: "Nope, that's gone. We flogged him with it, and then it disappeared."
Vax'ildan: "I detract my offer."
Grog: "It was used very well."
Never attack the bedding before you know the thread count.Taliesin Jaffe / Percy de Rolo in Critical Role, Staffel 1 Episode 2
Tiberius: "Vax, what are you doing?"
Vax'ildan: "I'm killing someone, hold please."
I'll give you a limerick. Hold on. I've been preparing it. Have you heard tale of Scanlan the bard? Or Burt Reynolds if you look at his card. Always tries to get laid, sometimes with ladies he made. But I still respect him because rhyming is hard.Laura Bailey / Vex'ahlia in Critical Role
Dungeon Master: "Look, we're letting you off this once, but if you so much as spit in the direction of any other dwarf in this city, we're gonna bury you so far underneath the dungeon, you won't see the light of day again until the day you rot. You hear me dragonborn?"
Tiberius: "I mean, yes. My hearing is perfectly fine."
How do you want to do this?Matthew Mercer / Dungeon Master in Critical Role