Right. I have an intelligence of 6. I know what I'm doing.
Travis Willingham / Grog Strongjaw - Staffel 1 Episode 1
1Vax'ildan: "Good sir dwarf, clearly we are idiots."
Dungeon Master: "That's the first true thing you've said since you called me out of my meal."
Dungeon Master: "That's the first true thing you've said since you called me out of my meal."
Oh, Kern, do you need some d-ck? Because I gave some to your mom last night!
Sam Riegel / Scanlan Shorthalt - Staffel 1 Episode 23
1In fact, we'll be keeping your weapons, your armor, and, I believe, your pride.
Taliesin Jaffe / Percy de Rolo - Staffel 1 Episode 5
1Dagger's so sharp it could cut the sexual tension.
Taliesin Jaffe / Percy de Rolo - Staffel 1 Episode 24
1Hello, I'd like to share the news of our lord and savior, my axe in your face!
Travis Willingham / Grog Strongjaw - Episode 29
1Hello, everyone! And welcome to tonight's episode of Critical Role, where a bunch of us nerdy-ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons and Dragons.
Matthew Mercer / Dungeon Master - Episode 45
Only in the house of lady favors do I let my beans hang out when I sleep.
Travis Willingham / Grog Strongjaw - Episode 58
It's so rare that we're actually given the opportunity to be honest about everything; we might as well try it once and see if we like it.
Taliesin Jaffe / Percy de Rolo - Episode 65
We don't do anything with dignity.
Laura Bailey / Vex'ahlia - Episode 83
What's the best thing you've got? That's, you know, within reason.
Laura Bailey / Vex'ahlia - Episode 84
You can't walk off in the middle of a game of hide-and-seek again. I've been in a barrel for an hour! I fell asleep in there!
Liam O'Brien / Vax'ildan - Episode 87
Keyleth: "Hey, guys… We're friends, right?"
Percy: "Worse. We're family."
Percy: "Worse. We're family."
Taliesin Jaffe / Percy de Rolo - Episode 85
Well, you haven't seen a door mimic before, because I don't hate you that much yet.
Matthew Mercer / Dungeon Master - Episode 90
I do not want to die who I am. I would like to live long enough to be someone else.
Vax'ildan: "You come on to every human, orc, and half-elf in the entire kingdom, but pretending to be my wife for 30 minutes is too much?"
Vex'ahlia: "Yes, it's disgusting, so no."
Vax'ildan: "You're probably right."
Vex'ahlia: "Yes, it's disgusting, so no."
Vax'ildan: "You're probably right."
Scanlan: "Ok, I'm gonna move right there, into the room as far as I can."
Dungeon Master: "That's as far as, you can go that far."
Scanlan: "Ok, and I'm going to cast stinking cloud. Right there. It's gonna smell like just ass over there."
Dungeon Master: "That's as far as, you can go that far."
Scanlan: "Ok, and I'm going to cast stinking cloud. Right there. It's gonna smell like just ass over there."
Don't worry, that hard wood is the boat.
Sam Riegel / Scanlan Shorthalt - Episode 10
With my frenzied rage renewed, I run towards the water, haunted by nightmares of Sebastian and the Little Mermaid and I leap into the water, and start slashing, and slashing.
If only I had taken a dump in the middle of town, I could see what's going on right now.
Grog: "We have, also if you're interested, in trade, basilisk eggs, and parts of an umberhulk."
Vax'ildan: "And a troll dck."
Grog: "Nope, that's gone. We flogged him with it, and then it disappeared."
Vax'ildan: "I detract my offer."
Grog: "It was used very well."
Vax'ildan: "And a troll dck."
Grog: "Nope, that's gone. We flogged him with it, and then it disappeared."
Vax'ildan: "I detract my offer."
Grog: "It was used very well."
Never attack the bedding before you know the thread count.
Taliesin Jaffe / Percy de Rolo - Episode 2
Tiberius: "Vax, what are you doing?"
Vax'ildan: "I'm killing someone, hold please."
Vax'ildan: "I'm killing someone, hold please."
I'll give you a limerick. Hold on. I've been preparing it. Have you heard tale of Scanlan the bard? Or Burt Reynolds if you look at his card. Always tries to get laid, sometimes with ladies he made. But I still respect him because rhyming is hard.
Dungeon Master: "Look, we're letting you off this once, but if you so much as spit in the direction of any other dwarf in this city, we're gonna bury you so far underneath the dungeon, you won't see the light of day again until the day you rot. You hear me dragonborn?"
Tiberius: "I mean, yes. My hearing is perfectly fine."
Tiberius: "I mean, yes. My hearing is perfectly fine."
How do you want to do this?
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Ethik ist ein Luxus, den wir uns derzeit nicht erlauben können.
Ethics are a luxury we currently can't afford.
Taliesin Jaffe / Percy de Rolo in Vox Machina - Staffel 1 Episode 1
Tavernen Besitzerin: "Erst sauft ihr mir die Fässer leer, und dann zerlegt ihr meine Taverne in tausend Stücke. Und verratet mir mal, was dieser Gnom mit meiner Tochter anstellt?"
Scanlan: "Glaubt mir, das wollt Ihr nicht wissen."
Scanlan: "Glaubt mir, das wollt Ihr nicht wissen."
Tavern Keeper: "First, you people drink me dry, then you destroy my tavern. And what is that gnome doing with my daughter?"
Scanlan: "It's probably best you don't know."
Scanlan: "It's probably best you don't know."
Sam Riegel / Scanlan Shorthalt in Vox Machina - Staffel 1 Episode 1
Dein Röschen pflück ich mit Geschick
Schatz, lass dich ein auf einen F-
Schatz, lass dich ein auf einen F-
My lady's rose I will pluck
My love, it's time for us to f-
My love, it's time for us to f-
Sam Riegel / Scanlan Shorthalt in Vox Machina - Staffel 1 Episode 1
Ihr batet um Hilfe von Kriegern, von manch weit entferntem Stamm
Doch versteht, dass davon niemand uns das Wasser reichen kann
Grog ist unser Goliath, der stark ist, doch nicht schlau
Und wie man euch das Hirn weg bläst, weiß Percy ganz genau
Fast schon eins mit der Natur ist Keyleth die Ashari
Schickt dich durch Tier- und Pflanzenwelt auf magische Safari
Dann noch Vex und Vax, sie schießt, ihr Bruder schleicht umher
So heimlich und so tödlich, doch ich frag mich, wer ist wer?
Pikes reine Seele heilt mit göttlichem Geschick
Oh, und 'nen Bären haben wir übrigens auch. Trinket, was 'n Glück
Und last but not least, ich heiße Scanlan, der Mann mit der fetten lila Hand
Meine Beats reißen dich mit, doch pass auf, dein Tochter reit ich locker
Sind stärker und auch cleverer als jegliches Gesocks
Gehen ein in die Geschichte als Legende von Vox - Machina
Doch versteht, dass davon niemand uns das Wasser reichen kann
Grog ist unser Goliath, der stark ist, doch nicht schlau
Und wie man euch das Hirn weg bläst, weiß Percy ganz genau
Fast schon eins mit der Natur ist Keyleth die Ashari
Schickt dich durch Tier- und Pflanzenwelt auf magische Safari
Dann noch Vex und Vax, sie schießt, ihr Bruder schleicht umher
So heimlich und so tödlich, doch ich frag mich, wer ist wer?
Pikes reine Seele heilt mit göttlichem Geschick
Oh, und 'nen Bären haben wir übrigens auch. Trinket, was 'n Glück
Und last but not least, ich heiße Scanlan, der Mann mit der fetten lila Hand
Meine Beats reißen dich mit, doch pass auf, dein Tochter reit ich locker
Sind stärker und auch cleverer als jegliches Gesocks
Gehen ein in die Geschichte als Legende von Vox - Machina
Your Excellence tried the best fighters, who've adventured far and wide
But I promise that you've never met a troop so qualified
There's Grog our mighty giant, he's a simpleminded hulk
And Percy's pepperbox can blow apart your f-ing skull
Nature hath no fury quite like Keyleth the Ashari
Controlling plants and animals, she's a magical safari
The twins Vex and Vax, she shoots, he hides in the pitch
They're stealthy and quite deadly but I forget which one is which
Pike's divinity is pure, her hands can always heal
Oh, and did I mention we have a bear? Trinket, no big deal
And as for myself? My name is Scanlan, the man with the phat purple hand
My music's the jam, going ham, you can't stand it
Get some water, hide your daughters
Brave warriors are we and far more clever than a fox
They'll tell tale of our exploits in the Legend of Vox - Machina
But I promise that you've never met a troop so qualified
There's Grog our mighty giant, he's a simpleminded hulk
And Percy's pepperbox can blow apart your f-ing skull
Nature hath no fury quite like Keyleth the Ashari
Controlling plants and animals, she's a magical safari
The twins Vex and Vax, she shoots, he hides in the pitch
They're stealthy and quite deadly but I forget which one is which
Pike's divinity is pure, her hands can always heal
Oh, and did I mention we have a bear? Trinket, no big deal
And as for myself? My name is Scanlan, the man with the phat purple hand
My music's the jam, going ham, you can't stand it
Get some water, hide your daughters
Brave warriors are we and far more clever than a fox
They'll tell tale of our exploits in the Legend of Vox - Machina
Sam Riegel / Scanlan Shorthalt in Vox Machina - Staffel 1 Episode 1
Percy: "Eventuell würde es uns besser gehen, wenn nicht jemand aus versehen unseren letzten Auftraggeber enthauptet hätte."
Grog: "Ich hab mich doch entschuldigt, oder nicht?"
Grog: "Ich hab mich doch entschuldigt, oder nicht?"
Percy: "Well, perhaps if someone didn't accidentally decapitate the last fellow who hired us."
Grog: "Well, I apologized, didn't I?"
Grog: "Well, I apologized, didn't I?"
Travis Willingham / Grog Strongjaw in Vox Machina - Staffel 1 Episode 1
Sylas: "You keep an eye on that house, I'll go get the others."
Grog: "Right. Can you pick me up a sandwich on the way back?"
Grog: "Right. Can you pick me up a sandwich on the way back?"
Travis Willingham / Grog Strongjaw in Vox Machina - Staffel 1
In weit entfernten Landen lag das majestätische Königreich Tal'Dorei. Einst das Schlachtfeld von Göttern und Titanen war es ein Ort voller Magie, Wunder und Mysterien. Es war eine friedliche Zeit... bis großes Unheil das Land überkam. Eine Gruppe tapferer Helden schloss sich zusammen. Bereit, sich dem Bösen entgegen zu stellen.
Long ago, in another realm stood the majestic kingdom of Tal'Dorei. Once the battlefield of gods and titans, its lands now harbor magic, wonder and mystery. It was a time of peace... until a great evil arrived. A brave group of heroes banded together, ready to face this evil.
Matthew Mercer / Dungeon Master in Vox Machina - Staffel 1 Episode 1
Doric: "Was genau ist deine Aufgabe?"
Elgin: "Ich bin ein Planer. Ich schmiede Pläne."
Doric: "Du hast den Plan schon geschmiedet."
Elgin: "Und falls dieser Plan fehlschlägt, schmiede ich einen neuen Plan."
Doric: "Also schmiedest du Pläne, die fehlschlagen?"
Elgin: "Ich bin ein Planer. Ich schmiede Pläne."
Doric: "Du hast den Plan schon geschmiedet."
Elgin: "Und falls dieser Plan fehlschlägt, schmiede ich einen neuen Plan."
Doric: "Also schmiedest du Pläne, die fehlschlagen?"
Doric: "What is it exactly that you bring to this?"
Elgin: "I'm a planner. I make plans."
Doric: "You've already made the plan, so...-"
Elgin: "If the existing plan fails, I make a new plan."
Doric: "So you make plans that fail?"
Elgin: "I'm a planner. I make plans."
Doric: "You've already made the plan, so...-"
Elgin: "If the existing plan fails, I make a new plan."
Doric: "So you make plans that fail?"
Dungeons & Dragons - Honor Among Thieves
Elgin: "Damit wir 'ne echte Chance haben, brauchen wir Stärke. Du packst das, oder?"
Holga: "I know you don't."
Holga: "I know you don't."
Elgin: "To give us a fighting chance we're going to need strength. You got this, right?"
Holga: "Ich schon, du nicht."
Holga: "Ich schon, du nicht."
Dungeons & Dragons - Honor Among Thieves
Edle Helden, das ist ja alles schön und gut, aber wir machen das einzig und allein für die Kohle.
Nobility and heroism is fine and all, but we're in this for the money.
Liam O'Brien / Vax'ildan in Vox Machina - Staffel 1 Episode 1
Percy: "Grog hat gewonnen. Schon wieder."
Vax'ildan: "Verdammte Scheiße. Warum treten wir beim Saufen auch gegen einen Typen an, der doppelt so groß ist, wie wir?"
Vex'ahlia: "Was denn? Das ist nun mal der schnellste Weg, um betrunken zu werden."
Vax'ildan: "Verdammte Scheiße. Warum treten wir beim Saufen auch gegen einen Typen an, der doppelt so groß ist, wie wir?"
Vex'ahlia: "Was denn? Das ist nun mal der schnellste Weg, um betrunken zu werden."
Percy: "Grog wins. Again."
Vax'ildan: "F- me. Why do we always play drinking games with a guy twice our size?"
Vex'ahlia: "Because it's the fastest way to get drunk, obviously."
Vax'ildan: "F- me. Why do we always play drinking games with a guy twice our size?"
Vex'ahlia: "Because it's the fastest way to get drunk, obviously."
Laura Bailey / Vex'ahlia in Vox Machina - Staffel 1 Episode 1
Die Ehe ist einer der teuersten Wege für einen Mann, um seine Wäsche gewaschen zu bekommen.
Marriage is about the most expensive way for the average man to get laundry done.
Ein Ziel ohne einen Plan ist ein Wunsch.
A goal without a plan is a wish.
Taliesin Jaffe / Percy de Rolo
Dungeons & Dragons
Burt Reynolds
Pläne