Zitate und Sprüche aus American Pie

"Dude that chick's a MILF!"
"What to hell is that?"
"M-I-L-F: Mom I'd like to f*ck!"

My brother said by the end of the summer I'll get the big picture. And I see it. No matter what, times change, things are different. But the problem is, I don't want them to be.

When a girl tells you how many guys she's slept with, multiply it by three and that's the real number. Didn't you f*ckers learn anything in college?

It's like banging a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. What you want is a partner to return the ball.

Wow, Steve Stifler just gave a rose to a girl and meant it. It's like, monkeys learning to use tools for the first time.

Finch: "So, ah, would you object if I said you were quite striking?"
Stifler's Mom: "Mister Finch, are you trying to seduce me?"

Stifler's Mom: "You've got to know I'm over you, Finchy."
Finch: "Well, as they say, we'll always have Paris."
Stifler's Mom: "And the pool table."
Finch: "And the car."
Stifler's Mom: "And the two-room suite I have upstairs."

Finch: "Oh, Jeanine!"
Jeanine: "Call me Stifler's Mom!"

Jim, get some f*cking balls. If you can't bring yourself to photograph a naked chick, how the hell are you ever gonna sleep with one?

She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!

Jim, can't you keep your shirt on? You're scaring the chicks away!

Hi, I'm Jim's Dad. You must be the parents of this young lady. I didn't get your daughter's name, but hopefully my son did.

Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?

Jim: "Here's an easy one, okay: 'Attractive single white female, fun-loving, youthful mind seeks outgoing companion.' Attractive: ugly."
Oz: "Fun-loving: insane."
Kevin: "Unlisted age plus 'youthful mind' equals 'Old'."
Jim: "No, 'charming' is old. 'Older' is really old. 'Youthful mind' is dead."

Jim: "Look, maybe we should give him a chance. You know, I think that underneath all the 'f*cks' and 'sh*ts' and 'blow me's', there's a very sensitive person who's just thirsty for acceptance. That's... that's what I think."
Michelle: "Oh, Jim... you gotta stop masturbating... it's melting your brain."

Michelle: "How did a little perv like you, turn into such a great guy?"
Jim: "How did a little nympho like you, turn into such a great girl?"
Michelle: "I'm still a nympho."
Jim: "Well, I'm still a perv."

You've gotta control yourself and think of something non-sexual. I haven't even touched you yet and you're turning into the Sears Tower.

I would like to make an announcement - there is a gorgeous woman mast-rbating on my bed!

You realise we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.

Jim's Dad: "Why do you think, uh, Michelle, they call it 'making love'?"
Michelle: "I don't know. I just call it 'boning'."
Jim's Dad: "Boning? Well, when you're doing other things with Jim, when you're not... um... boning, how does he make you feel?"
Michelle: "Horny, like I wanna bone."
Jim's Dad: "But, we can't be boning from sunrise to sunset, dear."
Michelle: "Oh, you've never tried it?"
Jim's Dad: "I certainly have. I have. I've boned... from sunrise, uh, right through brunch on more than one occasion."

Oz: "All you got to do is to ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit."
Stifler: "I dunno, man, that... sounds like a lot of work!"

Stifler: "Mother f*cker!"
Finch: "Yes I am."
Stifler: "Oh, you son of a b*tch!"

No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn't getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we're not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!

Cadence: "Can I see the ring?"
Stifler: "Nope. Promised to keep it safe. It's not leaving my pocket."
Cadence: "Okay, Frodo."

God bless the internet!

This is my first time, since my first time.

Stifler: "There's gonna be an Eastern European chick naked in your house and you're not going to do anything about it?"
Jim: "What am I supposed to do, Stifler, broadcast her over the internet?"
Stifler: "Yeah!"

Hey Stifler, why dont you grow a sack, fill it with some balls, magically sprout a d-ck and start f*cking yourself in the ass?

Vicky: "Hey, Kevin. I want to have sex."
Kevin: "Now?"
Vicky: "Prom."

My dick looks like a corn dog and I've got cake all over my balls.

Stifler: "Observe the f*ckin' Stifmeister, what is his defining characteristic?"
Jim: "He uses the f-word excessively?"
Stifler: "Thanks man."

Jim: "Did you see 'The Little Mermaid' on TV yesterday? Ariel, she's so hot!"
Oz: "She's a mermaid, dude."
Jim: "Yeah, but not when she's on land, Oz."

Love isn't just a feeling. It's shaving your balls.

Finch: "Stifler, why in the world are you focused on me ?"
Stifler: "Because I'm surprised to see you don't have t*ts."

Well polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake.

Time without purpose is a prison.

If you want more sex, just ask for it.

Baldrick, I want you to take this and go out and buy a turkey so large, you'd think its mother had been rogered by an omnibus.