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Whiskey. Single Malt. 18 Jahre alt, so wie ich es mag.

I got some scotch. Aged eighteen years. The way I like it.

WhiskeyAmerican Pie - 1, von Jeanine Stifler / Stifler's Mom
 
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Wir sagen deiner Mutter einfach, wir hätten alles aufgegessen.

We'll just tell your mother that... we ate it all.

American Pie - 1, von Noah Levenstein / Jim's Dad
 
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Vicky: "Es muss absolut perfekt sein. Ich möchte, dass es zur richtigen Zeit am richtigen Ort passiert."
Jessica: "Vicky, es geht hier um Sex, nicht um den Start einer Rakete."

Vicky: "I want it to be the right time, the right place."
Jessica: "It's not a space shuttle launch, it's sex."

American Pie - 1
 
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"Dude that chick's a MILF!"
"What to hell is that?"
"M-I-L-F: Mom I'd like to f-ck!"

American Pie - 1
 
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My brother said by the end of the summer I'll get the big picture. And I see it. No matter what, times change, things are different. But the problem is, I don't want them to be.

American Pie - 2, von Kevin Myers
 
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When a girl tells you how many guys she's slept with, multiply it by three and that's the real number. Didn't you f-ckers learn anything in college?

American Pie - 2, von Steve Stifler
 
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Wenn ein Kerl zu dir sagt, er hätte mit drei Frauen geschlafen, war's in Wirklichkeit nur eine. Du musst die Anzahl immer durch drei dividieren. Fast so exakt wie ne Wissenschaft.

If a guy tells you how many girls he's hooked up with, it's not even close to that. You take that number and divide it by three, then you get the real total. OK, so if Kevin is saying it's been three girls it's more like one or none. The rule of three. It's an exact science. Consistent as gravity.

American Pie - 2, von Jessica
 
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It's like banging a tennis ball against a brick wall, which can be fun. What you want is a partner to return the ball.

American Pie - 1, von Noah Levenstein / Jim's Dad
 
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Wow, Steve Stifler just gave a rose to a girl and meant it. It's like, monkeys learning to use tools for the first time.

American Pie - 3: Jetzt wird geheiratet, von Michelle Flaherty
 
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Du kannst nicht einfach drauflos fummeln. Oh nein, du musst den Ofen anheizen, bevor du den Truthahn rein stellst.

No, you dingbat. You don't just go groping away. You gotta pre-heat the oven before you stick in the turkey.

SexAmerican Pie - 2, von Michelle Flaherty
 
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Finch: "So, ah, would you object if I said you were quite striking?"
Stifler's Mom: "Mister Finch, are you trying to seduce me?"

American Pie - 1, von Jeanine Stifler / Stifler's Mom
 
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Stifler's Mom: "You've got to know I'm over you, Finchy."
Finch: "Well, as they say, we'll always have Paris."
Stifler's Mom: "And the pool table."
Finch: "And the car."
Stifler's Mom: "And the two-room suite I have upstairs."

American Pie - 3: Jetzt wird geheiratet, von Jeanine Stifler / Stifler's Mom
 
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Finch: "Oh, Jeanine!"
Jeanine: "Call me Stifler's Mom!"

American Pie - 2, von Jeanine Stifler / Stifler's Mom
 
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Jim, get some f-cking balls. If you can't bring yourself to photograph a naked chick, how the hell are you ever gonna sleep with one?

American Pie - 1, von Steve Stifler
 
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Und ich bekenne mich schuldig, dass ich doch sehr häufig... masturbiert habe, als ich noch ein klein wenig jünger war. Ich nannte es immer "die Salami streicheln". Mit Backwaren hab ich's allerdings nie getrieben. Dein Onkel Mort hat mindestens fünf bis sechs mal mit seiner Schlange gespielt.

I have to admit, I did the fair bit of... masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it "stroking the salami", you know, "pounding the old pud". I never did it with baked goods. But you know your uncle Mort, he "pets the one-eyed snake" five, six times a day.

SelbstbefriedigungAmerican Pie - 1, von Noah Levenstein / Jim's Dad
 
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She's gone! Oh my God, she used me. I was used. I was used! Cool!

American Pie - 1, von Jim Levenstein
 
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Jim, can't you keep your shirt on? You're scaring the chicks away!

American Pie - 2, von Steve Stifler
 
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Hi, I'm Jim's Dad. You must be the parents of this young lady. I didn't get your daughter's name, but hopefully my son did.

American Pie - 2, von Noah Levenstein / Jim's Dad
 
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Guys, uh, what exactly does third base feel like?

American Pie - 1, von Jim Levenstein
 
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Jim: "Here's an easy one, okay: 'Attractive single white female, fun-loving, youthful mind seeks outgoing companion.' Attractive: ugly."
Oz: "Fun-loving: insane."
Kevin: "Unlisted age plus 'youthful mind' equals 'Old'."
Jim: "No, 'charming' is old. 'Older' is really old. 'Youthful mind' is dead."

Singles & DatingAmerican Pie - 1, von Jim Levenstein
 
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Wie wär's wenn ihr Jungs eure Schwänze entdeckt, die Einschweißfolie aufreißt und sie verdammt nochmal benutzt!

I say, why don't you guys locate your d-cks, remove the shrink wrap, and f-cking use them!

American Pie - 1, von Steve Stifler
 
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Jim: "Look, maybe we should give him a chance. You know, I think that underneath all the 'f-cks' and 'shits' and 'blow me's', there's a very sensitive person who's just thirsty for acceptance. That's... that's what I think."
Michelle: "Oh, Jim... you gotta stop mast-rbating... it's melting your brain."

American Pie - 3: Jetzt wird geheiratet, von Michelle Flaherty
 
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Michelle: "How did a little perv like you, turn into such a great guy?"
Jim: "How did a little nympho like you, turn into such a great girl?"
Michelle: "I'm still a nympho."
Jim: "Well, I'm still a perv."

American Pie - 3: Jetzt wird geheiratet, von Jim Levenstein
 
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You've gotta control yourself and think of something non-sexual. I haven't even touched you yet and you're turning into the Sears Tower.

American Pie - 2, von Michelle Flaherty
 
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Finch: "Das sind meine Leute. Lass mich das machen."
Stifler: "Sind die schwul?"
Finch: "Nein, du beschissener Vollhirni, sie haben Stil, sie sind kultiviert, sie sind gebildet."
Stifler: "Also doch schwul."

Finch: "Let me handle this. These are my people."
Stifler: "They're gay?"
Finch: "No, you bleating imbecile. They have style, they're cultured, they're sophisticated."
Stifler: "So, they're gay."

Homosexualität & LGBTQ+American Pie - 3: Jetzt wird geheiratet, von Steve Stifler
 
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I would like to make an announcement - there is a gorgeous woman mast-rbating on my bed!

American Pie - 1, von Jim Levenstein
 
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Außer dir kenn' ich keinen, der für sein Teil 'ne Bedienungsanleitung braucht.

Jim, you're the only guy I know who's d-ck needs an instruction manual.

American Pie - 2, von Steve Stifler
 
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You realise we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.

American Pie - 1, von Jim Levenstein
 
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Jim's Dad: "Why do you think, uh, Michelle, they call it 'making love'?"
Michelle: "I don't know. I just call it 'boning'."
Jim's Dad: "Boning? Well, when you're doing other things with Jim, when you're not... um... boning, how does he make you feel?"
Michelle: "Horny, like I wanna bone."
Jim's Dad: "But, we can't be boning from sunrise to sunset, dear."
Michelle: "Oh, you've never tried it?"
Jim's Dad: "I certainly have. I have. I've boned... from sunrise, uh, right through brunch on more than one occasion."

American Pie - 3: Jetzt wird geheiratet, von Noah Levenstein / Jim's Dad
 
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Oh Ja. Der Stifmeister kommt wieder nach Grand Harbor. Sei auf Zack, kack dir nicht in den Truck, wisch mir den Arsch und leck mir den Sack. Achtung, Stifler kommt. Baby!

Oh, yeah. The Stifmeister's coming back to Grand Harbor. Deck the halls. Bye-bye, Great Falls. Wipe my ass and lick my balls. It's Stifler time, baby!

American Pie - 2, von Steve Stifler
 
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Oz: "All you got to do is to ask them questions, and listen to what they have to say and shit."
Stifler: "I dunno, man, that... sounds like a lot of work!"

American Pie - 1, von Steve Stifler
 
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Stifler: "Mother f-cker!"
Finch: "Yes I am."
Stifler: "Oh, you son of a b-tch!"

American Pie - 3: Jetzt wird geheiratet, von Steve Stifler
 
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No longer will our penises remain flaccid and unused! From now on, we fight for every man out there who isn't getting laid when he should be! This is our day! This is our time! And, by God, we're not gonna let history condemn us to celibacy! We will make a stand! We will succeed! We will get laid!

American Pie - 1, von Kevin Myers
 
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Cadence: "Can I see the ring?"
Stifler: "Nope. Promised to keep it safe. It's not leaving my pocket."
Cadence: "Okay, Frodo."

American Pie - 3: Jetzt wird geheiratet, von Cadence Flaherty
 
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Das eine mal, im Ferienlager...

This one time, at band camp...

American Pie - 1, von Michelle Flaherty
 
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God bless the internet!

InternetAmerican Pie - 1, von Paul Finch
 
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Michelle: "Oh ja, Jim, ich werde feucht."
Jim: "Wirklich?"
Michelle: "Nein, das war nur ein Ansporn."

Michelle: "Good Jim. Oh, you're making me wet."
Jim: "Holy shit, really?"
Michelle: "No, I was just saying that so you could practice."

American Pie - 2, von Michelle Flaherty
 
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This is my first time, since my first time.

American Pie - 2, von Jim Levenstein
 
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Stifler: "There's gonna be an Eastern European chick naked in your house and you're not going to do anything about it?"
Jim: "What am I supposed to do, Stifler, broadcast her over the internet?"
Stifler: "Yeah!"

American Pie - 1, von Steve Stifler
 
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Hey Stifler, why dont you grow a sack, fill it with some balls, magically sprout a d-ck and start f-cking yourself in the ass?

American Pie - 3: Jetzt wird geheiratet, von Paul Finch
 
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Vicky: "Hey, Kevin. I want to have sex."
Kevin: "Now?"
Vicky: "Prom."

American Pie - 1
 
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Ich bin ein hoch entwickelter Sexrobotor, gekommen durch Zeit und Raum und jetzt ändere ich die Zukunft einer glücklich Auserwählten.

I'm a sophisticated sex robot sent back through time, to change the future for one lucky lady.

American Pie - 1, von Chuck "Sherminator" Sherman
 
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My d-ck looks like a corn dog and I've got cake all over my balls.

American Pie - 3: Jetzt wird geheiratet, von Steve Stifler
 
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Stifler: "Observe the f-ckin' Stifmeister, what is his defining characteristic?"
Jim: "He uses the f-word excessively?"
Stifler: "Thanks man."

American Pie - 3: Jetzt wird geheiratet, von Steve Stifler
 
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Jim: "Did you see 'The Little Mermaid' on TV yesterday? Ariel, she's so hot!"
Oz: "She's a mermaid, dude."
Jim: "Yeah, but not when she's on land, Oz."

American Pie - 1, von Jim Levenstein
 
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Love isn't just a feeling. It's shaving your balls.

American Pie - 3: Jetzt wird geheiratet, von Michelle Flaherty
 
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Finch: "Stifler, why in the world are you focused on me ?"
Stifler: "Because I'm surprised to see you don't have tits."

American Pie - 3: Jetzt wird geheiratet, von Steve Stifler
 
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Well polish my nuts and serve me a milkshake.

American Pie - 3: Jetzt wird geheiratet, von Steve Stifler
 
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